After being a foster parent for just a couple of years and continually dragging the children in my care to countless events all set around foster children, I came to the realization that the children in my care didn’t want to be at these events, or have the label of foster child put on them like it was a badge of honor.
The event that stands out most in my mind was a picnic up in Colville where we were told by the person in charge that it was mandatory to be there. My boys threw a fit about going to this outing, telling us that they didn’t want to be there for the whole world to see that they were foster kids. As we rolled up to the park where the event was being held, you could see banners that had been hung up telling us where everyone was meeting. These banners all read “foster children”, telling everyone that wasn’t involved in our group, as well as the people involved, that the children in this group weren’t just children getting together to have a picnic; these children were foster children.
One of my boys refused to get out of the car, his argument being, “I don’t want the label 'foster child' hung on me.” I know that I could’ve made him get out, forced him to enjoy the festivities and made him have fun (yeah, right); but for the most part I was beginning to see that he had a valid point, and I agreed with him. Funny thing happened--one of the social workers that was attending brought their bio-daughter, and she was very pretty. Next thing I know this young man that didn’t want to even get out of the car was standing right next to me. I looked over at him and said, “she is pretty, isn’t she?” “Yes she is,” was all he said.
Children in foster care are often looked down upon as second class citizens. If there is trouble on the bus on the way to school, it has to be the foster children that caused it. Sometimes they do, but it’s not always the case. We had an incident on the school bus where some kids had become disruptive. When the parents were called into school to talk about the problem, the parents of these children immediately tried to transfer blame onto the children in our home. The bus driver immediately stepped up defending the foster children in our home, stating that the foster children on her bus were more polite than any of the other children on her bus and they were not the problem, at least this time.
One of our young men became involved with a group of foster alumni/foster children called Passion For Action. This group, for the most part, gets together to bring about change within the foster care system to benefit children placed in foster care. At one of the meetings this young man was speaking in front of a group of people when he made the proclamation that, in our home, we don’t like the F-word. “Foster care” and being “foster children” is something that we strive to eliminate from who these children are. We all know that it’s always there, but we don’t dwell in the fact that they are caught up in the foster care system or take on the victim’s role of being foster children. It is not their fault that they are in the system, so we all should stop treating them as if they were the poor little foster child, making them sound like a second class citizen. Remember that before they were “foster children” they were simply children.
She was indeed a very beautiful girl! If she hadn't been there I would have most definitely stayed put in the car. But this couldn't have been said any better. Children don't want titles placed over their heads when it draws negative attention or sub-standard treatment. I just wanted to be treated like a normal child while I was in Kerry and Nancy's home. How can you expect a child to let go of the past and grow, when you're holding a title over their heads that constantly reminds them where and what they are?
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