Nancy and I periodically have people contact us, wanting to pick our brain concerning the pros and cons surrounding foster care. There is one couple that comes to mind every time I talk to someone in regards to foster care and knowing what you can handle. These people are a prime example why when working with children in foster care you don’t want to get in over your head.
We had known this couple for years but it wasn’t until after we had been in foster care for a number of years and one of our boys was graduating from high school that they made mention that they were interested and wanted to get together with us before they went forward with the training. That was the last time we saw them for over six months until we saw them coming up the steps at the DSHS office in Spokane, Washington.
After exchanging pleasantries, I proceeded to ask them what they were doing at the DSHS office. “We’re foster parents,” they both blurted out. “We have been licensed, and we are taking placement of a sibling group of three today.” “Wow, that’s incredible, what do you know about these children,” was all I could say. They proceeded to tell me that they were sorry that they didn’t get a hold of us and that it all just happened so quickly. They had made the decision to be foster parents and they decided to jump in with both feet, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. They went on to say that they had been told that there wasn’t any information, nothing on these children except that they were coming from a BRS home, which stands for Behavior Rehabilitation Services.
“Do you know what BRS stands for?” I exclaimed. “There are volumes of information on each one of these children, that is why you should have sought out counsel from someone, it doesn’t matter if you get the information from us or not.” The woman looked at Nancy and myself and exclaimed, “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll just give them back.” Nancy was appalled and said “These are children, not puppy dogs, every time these children are moved it sets them back significantly.” One and a half weeks later after taking placement they gave the children back, claiming that they couldn’t handle the behaviors. They were not prepared for the type of behaviors these children exhibited and it had taken them over the top. To date they are no longer foster parents.
I know these people and they are good people, well liked in the community, always willing to lend a hand or volunteer when needed. Their problem was that they were not prepared, didn’t understand their limitations, and got themselves in over their head. I would like to say that this is uncommon, but I hear about this happening quite often. The biggest problem we have with this occurrence is that we lose valuable resources every time we lose foster parents, and every time a child is moved, it makes it that much harder for the child to attach.
Understanding and knowing what your capabilities are before you take on any given task is just using good common sense. Always look for those that are doing the job and doing it well and glean from their experience. Never be too proud to ask for help or guidance. The very future of the child in your care, or the child coming into your care needs for you to be in control, understanding before the child comes into care what you should expect so you can help the child to heal and become successful.
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