The Need for Rest in Foster Care

You and your husband were going to have a peaceful day today. You planned on doing a few chores around the house, then go out to lunch together…alone! After all the children are now back in school – FREEDOM! But wait, the phone is ringing; oh no…the caller ID says School District 000…yep one of the children is acting unruly and you need to go to school to de-escalate the situation. Not only do you have to de-escalate this child, he must be brought home as he is not able to function academically at school for the rest of the day. Maybe lunch another day.

The toughest time for the foster parent is during the early weeks and months when a child is placed in the home. Behaviors are at their peak (once the “honeymoon” phase is over). These children will rock your world. When the “Pride Trainer” (“Pride” is foster parent training in WA state) says that these children are nothing like your biological children, they are correct! If there is a button to be pushed, these young people have learned to find that button and push it. Once the child has adapted to you and your home, there needs to be a time of rest.

As foster parents we want these children to become outstanding citizens, but this does not come without a price. There is much time invested. There will be heartache and joy, successes and failures. It is imperative that the foster parent receives time away to refocus, refresh and remember who they are. This especially needs to happen with husbands and wives. We cannot forget that we need to take care of our relationships if we want to do an excellent job with the children. Discord in the home will reflect in the behavior of the children.

With that being said, prepare and allow for a time of respite. Do not rely on the department to find respite care providers. Find trusted people who the children are familiar with to do respite for you. These children are human beings who will be scared to be left in the care of someone they do not know; would you want to be left with someone you have never met? Have these people cleared through the state so that they can receive a provider number and get paid. Make sure they get paid.

Prepare to go away to relax, you deserve it! Try not to think of what might, should, or could happen while you are away. Focus on your spouse and your dreams for the future. Remember who you are, relax, and enjoy!